From what I’ve learned in 2011, I can say that I’ve completely given up on LOVE.

I learned that people don’t usually mean what they say, and never say what they mean.

I learned that LOVE is superficial and no one respects it anymore.

I learned that LOVE doesn’t last for more than 2 weeks.

I learned that people don’t even know what LOVE means anymore.

I learned that LOVE is about trust and trust doesn’t exist anymore.

I learned that “I Love You” means next to nothing.

I don’t see the future getting brighter when it comes to love and dating.

So, I give up. Single is the new relationship status.

Stop giving yourself away to people who won’t be there forever.

You can tell who these people are, the faster they come, the sooner they leave.

Nice to know that I’ve learned a valuable lesson before I start this year.

The night has settled,
Winter has come.
The chills run up my back
As I reach into my pocket
For my box of cigarettes.
One cigarette left.
Upside down, alone,
Leaning to the left,
Weak but with faith.
My wish cigarette.
Carefully I place it between my quivering lips,
Cover it with one hand, and light it with the other.
The small flame blazed with such urgency
The beautiful crackle of the tobacco lingering in the winter air.
I inhale slowly and lustily from the cigarette
Feeling the smoke creep into my lungs and my blood
Masking my nerves for that one quick second
I was free.
Then I exhaled a thick cloud where I could see myself,
My hopes and dreams,
My world and my future.
The buzz fills my head and sends me swaying in the cold.
My body falling into a deep abyss of calm cool and composed.
I was superman.
No one could stop me, no one could understand me.
I was who I was and there was no one else in the world.
But me.
The ecstasy of my smoky world overcomes me
Like a wave pouring down on me,
sending me to a far away place.
This place has become my home.
As I reached the end of my freedom
I wished from deep down, deeper than my heart,
From the core of my soul,
Through the smoky air
In the middle of this calm abyss
In this far away place,
I softly whisper
“I wish I was never found.”

Life as we know it starts from the very breath we take
Breathing is the action, the goal we wish to make.
The gift we hope to keep
hopefully, inevitable when we sleep.
But I, tired of all things the world calls beautiful
hold my breath to break the rule.
that life is necessary, that life is wonderful
I hold the very thing no one wishes to control
I hold my breath tasting death
Feeling my lungs compressed
Life imploding in my chest
Experiencing how it feels to be truly at rest.
I hold my breath for those who lost this luxury
I hold my breath for those who hold it in hunger
I hold my breath for those who hold it in pain
I hold my breath for those who hold it in sorrow
I hold my breath for those who hold it in death.
I hold my breath for you, I hold my breath for love.
i hold my breath for the life, the life they’ll never have.
For a few moments, I bask in the life of those who lack.
From a few moments, I understood
For a few moments, life was good.

To think of it, everything has worked out for me and for others very well. It all went as planned, I just couldn’t accept it at first, but it becomes easier to accept when it’s already happened. I’m glad it did. The finite destiny of things gives me some sort of relief because I knew beforehand and in my heart I couldn’t believe otherwise. Of course, I can’t ignore the possibility that things could’ve happened due to my sureness of things to happen. Things might’ve happened because I let them happen; because I didn’t act upon it. But, the mere decision of not acting upon it could be part of this great plan. I like to think that things didn’t happen for a reason. I like to think that people come and go for a reason. I like to think that I was happy at one point in time and hurt at some other. I like to think that there is something and someone better out there for me. When the time comes that I feel that I have to fight for something that I believe is mine, I will. But, in the normal course of things, I take everything as they come and go and will not fight to force things and people into my life. There will be a time that I will not let go for a better, much greater reason. I can wait for that day because I know I still have some growing up to do. Each day is a new day and I can never know what I could gain and lose next. The only thing that I’m sure of is that if I feel that things weren’t working out as I hoped they would they maybe it wasn’t part of my destiny. There are many desirable looking roads out there, roads that can lead to very beautiful destinations. But not all these roads, you can take. Only the one you’re willing to fight for. That is your reason. That is your destiny.

According to the law of diminishing returns, once an action is repeatedly done and successfully generates return, it will give higher and higher returns for some time period until it reaches a certain peak where the return diminishes at a slower rate.

This same law can be applied in life, love, and happiness. When we realize that the things we do gives us more and more happiness, we keep doing it until it becomes monotonous then the happiness effect starts to diminish. With love, we keep trying the same strategy since it works but then we find the other person start to lose interest. With life, we like to stay where we’re comfortable and do the same things until we realize that we’re not as happy as we used to be.

What can we do then?

The answer to all questions of this matter, whether be it in the economy, life, love, or happiness, is CHANGE.

Change, innovation, invention; anything that sets us apart from our comfort zone and brings us closer to our fears. The more we are willing to sacrifice, the more we learn from ourselves and the more we experience. Change is hard to create especially when we already think we’re happy where we are positioned.

I wish I never said hello, so I’d never have to say goodbye.

I wish I never had you, so I’d never have to lose you.

I wish I never talked to you, so I’d never have to miss you.

I wish I never knew your name, so it wouldn’t be stuck in my brain.

I wish I never saw your smile, so I’d never have to remember it.

I wish I never loved you, because you’ll never feel the same way.

I wish we stayed strangers to each other, because now I can’t imagine a day without you.

It’s so easy for things to change when they’re not under your control. This world is so temporary with no solid foundation. Life is such a joke but it’s not even funny. But, we tread on.

You think I’m so weak
With only love that I seek
Smile that’s so meek
Eyes that are so bleak
You think I will break
That my heart is yours to take
My future yours to make
Leaving me for my own sake
You think
That this happiness ridden girl
Is meant to be hurt
With her little coos
And I’m sorry’s
And please don’t leave
Which makes you
Think
That she can never survive
In this sad world
Full of pain
With nothing to gain
Only to demonstrate
That you obligate
Yourself to stay?
You think
that you were my best
The best of all the rest
Putting me through the test
To see if I’m a martyr
Of this love quest
You think, you think, You think
Well if you stopped thinking
With your head down there
And start seeing
That you are nothing
Without me caring
For you fucking self loving
Son of a bitch.
For once start using your brain
And stop with the blame
That you even started this flame
Of this successful game
Of insane
Fucking, and loving, and crying
Eating, beating, and meeting
Me and other women.
You think
You’re stronger
But you’re just another
No different than the others
Of these sad motherfuckers
You think you won
Well think again
See if you can suck it yourself
We’ll see then
Who needs who the most
Between women and men.